We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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