I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
