She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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