i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
