Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
