you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
