I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
