you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
