The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
