Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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