just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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