he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Actions speak louder than pants.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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