don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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