I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
