i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
