My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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