Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
