from now on my penis is your penis
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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