Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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