I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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