No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
