I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
