Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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