I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
