just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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