Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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