Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
