I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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