did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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