If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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