If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
