Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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