well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I could make wine with my vomit
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
