i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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