you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
