you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
