Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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