drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
