Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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