Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
