Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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