Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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