feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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