I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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