He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
