It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
