I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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