This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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