Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
