I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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