Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
