DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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