Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
