ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
