Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
