I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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