I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
