He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
